The Lost Files of the Magical Beings' Rehabilitation Center Read online

  “Your loyalty is astounding,” Hunter said, giving his ex-employee a withering glare.

  “We’ll see you shortly,” Boxy said, daintily stirring his tea with a silver spoon.

  As soon as the attendant began escorting Hunter out, Madeline and Frey scurried through the lounge.

  “We have leave—now,” Madeline said, a smile plastered on her face.

  I set my tea aside and bolted up. “What did you do?”

  “Nothing, nothing at all. Right, Frank?”

  “Right,” Frank said, nodding emphatically.

  There was a boom at the back of the club.

  “You!” I hissed.

  “Later!” Frey said, hauling me towards the door. “You can yell at her later. Our first priority is to get out of here!”

  “Rad tea. We’ll have to rate this place on Yelp,” Kerrick said, setting his tea aside and following us.

  “Totally,” Shale said. “We’ll have to become members. Maddy, can you hook us up?” she asked as we exited the Tea Room in a herd.

  “Of course,” Madeline said as the door closed behind her.

  There was a second boom, this one so loud it shook the building.

  “I told you that you shouldn’t have adjusted the display case,” Frank said, tugging on his black necklace—which was really a flea collar.

  “It was a ring! How was I supposed to know touching would activate it?” Madeline whined.

  “Hunter, get your car pulled around, STAT!” Frey yelled.

  “Enjoy your birthday evening, Miss Fae,” the vampire bouncers said.

  “Thanks,” I said. “I’ll try.”

  “Stop dawdling, Morgan, and come on!” Frey barked.

  “Yeah, I’m coming,” I said. The building rumbled again, and I scowled at Madeline.

  “What?” she asked, fluttering her eyes at me.

  “I can’t take you anywhere.”

  “That’s hurtful!”

  “Then don’t ruin places!”

  “The car is here. Come on,” Boxy said.

  “Seriously,” Shale said, rolling her eyes. “Vampires are the worst when you ruin their stuff.”

  “Stop talking and get in the car!” Frey yelled.

  “Happy birthday, indeed,” I muttered.

  By bar number twelve, my bladder was ready to explode.

  “What club are we going to now?” Madeline asked, fluffing her hair and ignoring the long line of hopeful club attendees that we walked past.

  “Carousel,” Boxy said, looking at the list.

  “You’ll love this one,” Shale promised. “They have a huge carousel built in the center of the place—it’s where the bars are—and you can sit on carousel horses instead of chairs.”

  “That’s really great, but I’m mostly concerned with locating the nearest bathroom,” I said, feeling the squeeze. After consuming so many drinks—even though I only took a few sips of each—I needed to use the bathroom, badly.

  “That’s cool. Boxy’s bra is the bouncer here. Get us in, Box-man,” Kerrick said.

  “Gotcha,” Boxy said, waving to the tall bouncer—who was a troll if I ever saw one.

  “If I’m not allowed in this club either, I’m going to purchase every club that has denied me service,” Hunter scowled.

  “You couldn’t afford to—they’ve all denied you service,” Frey hooted.

  “That reminds me, Morgan. I saw some of your cyclops friends yesterday. They said to tell you happy birthday,” Madeline said, jumping in place next to me.

  “That’s wonderful,” I said, shifting uncomfortably, wishing for the bathroom. Harrison stood just behind me, an impressively tall and reassuring black shadow.

  “Kay, guys. We can go in!” Boxy said, gesturing for us to follow him inside.

  “Except for the younger goblin,” the troll grunted.

  “What? How do you know I’m not twenty-one?” Hunter stormed.

  “Should we go in?” Frank asked, his eyes flicking worriedly from Hunter to the door.

  “Yeah. By the time he finally talks his way in—if he talks his way in, it will be time for us to leave,” I said, my desire for a bathroom making me ruthless.

  “I dunno. When that female bouncer at Stardust tazed him, it was worth sticking around to see,” Frey said.

  “We’re going in!” I said, hurrying to catch up with Boxy.

  “Morgan?”

  I spun around to see two girls with three guys standing at the front of the line. I recognized them all from my school, and I had classes with one of the guys and both girls. They were in one of the few classes I did not have with Hunter, and they were also in one of my group projects but had so far resisted doing any of the work.

  “Oh…hi, Tad, Lindsey,” I said.

  Lindsey was chewing gum, which she chewed loudly as she raised her sculpted eyebrows at me. “There’s a line,” she said.

  “She’s with us,” Frey said, throwing an arm over my shoulder and tugging me away.

  “Come on,” Kerrick shouted, standing in the doorway. “We’ve only got thirteen minutes left here.”

  As I turned to follow my magical friends, I heard Tad snort.

  “Stuck up brat thinks she’s better than us. She’s gotta be bangin’ one of those guys to get in.”

  I rolled my eyes, intending to ignore his childish words, but then someone screamed.

  I whipped around to find Harrison standing next to Tad with one of his big hands wrapped around the college student’s throat. “You will refrain from insulting Miss Fae.”

  “Harrison, stop!” I shouted.

  “And in we go,” Frey said, yanking along.

  “We have to stop him! Violence isn’t the answer…unless it’s against Aysel,” I said.

  “Maybe, but I’m not going to try separating a goblin from his target. Plus that punk needs to be taught a lesson. Didn’t you have to go to the bathroom?”

  “But—”

  “Well done, Harrison. Indeed, if I hear of you slandering Morgan Fae again, frat-boy, I will have you sued for slander and underwater in debt before you can blink.” Hunter said, squatting down in front of Tad, who was now kneeling on the ground.

  “Aren’t you going to stop him?” I asked the bouncer.

  “Nah,” the troll said.

  Before I could further protest, Frey pulled me inside and helped me find a restroom. As soon as I left the bathroom, Shale shoved a drink in my hand. “Get sipping, girl! We’ve got nine more bars left to visit!”

  “You’ve got to be joking,” Hunter said, his face folded in a storm cloud.

  “I’m afraid not, sir. As you have not yet turned twenty-one, we cannot allow you inside,” the bouncer—a tall, muscled female—said.

  “I own this place!” Hunter yelled, pointing at the glowing Firefly sign hung above the club.

  “And you told us to follow human laws to the letter,” the female bouncer—one of the rarely spotted female goblins—said, as she studied her nails.

  “I would never say something so stupid,” Hunter declared.

  “I wanna go home,” I groaned, leaning into Harrison’s arm for support.

  “Come on, Morgan. It’s the last club! You can do this!” Madeline said, pumping her arm.

  “I want to sleep!” I growled.

  “If you do not allow me inside, I will have you fired,” Hunter threatened his employee.

  “That’s fine, sir. You have a lovely severance package, and your older brother has made me several lucrative job offers already,” the female bouncer said.

  “What?” Hunter stiffened.

  “That’s rough, bra,” Kerrick said, flicking up his sunglasses to give Hunter a look of sympathy.

  “Harrison,” I said.

  “Yes, Miss Fae?”

  “Please take care of this and get us inside—all of us,” I said.

  “Yes, Miss Fae,” Harrison said. He leaned me up against a building and strode up to the female bouncer, murmuring to her in lowered tones.

  “That’s a pretty tall order, Morgan. Harrison hasn’t worked with Weller Goblin Enterprises since you were in high school,” Frey said, watching my bodyguard.

  “Doesn’t matter. Krusher can solve any problem,” I said, my faith absolute.

  “We can go in, Miss Fae,” Harrison announced.

  “Hunter, too?”

  “Yes, Miss Fae.”

  “You’re the greatest, Krusher,” I said leading the way inside since everyone else seemed content to linger outside. “That’s why you’re—why is it dark in here?”

  “SURPRISE!”

  I shrieked as all the lights in the club were flicked on, revealing a huge crowd that had gathered. Nick, Sandy, Ralph, and a number of my other cyclops friends were present, as were Perseus and his emo equine friends, his father Orion, Corona and Toby from the helpdesk, Dr. Creamintin, a number of my old students—including Esmeralda, a sphinx, three fairies, a wood elf, Asahi and his wife Kadri—and a bunch of MBRC employees, like Aysel, Grogrintork, Baobab, and more.

  I placed a hand over my heart and stared at the huge assembly.

  “Happy birthday!” Esmeralda shouted.

  “May it be a blessed year,” Dr. Creamintin said.

  “Happy Birthday!”

  “Felicitations on another year!”

  “Happy birthday—on behalf of the Silver Heights Dwarf Clan!”

  “May the stars shine down upon you and illuminate the depths of your innermost.”

  “Congratulations!

  Above the clamor of well wishes, I heard a voice as smooth as chocolate say, “Happy birthday, Sweetheart.” Out of the crowd stepped my charming boyfriend, Devin the Pooka, who had told me he was going to be stuck in Britain with the Fairy Council for my birthday.

  “Devin!” I beamed, launching myself at him. He kissed my cheek as everyone laughed and gave awws of approval.

  “What’s going on?” I asked, peeking out at the guests.

  “It’s a surprise party—for you!” Nick said with a beaming smile.

  “But I, how?” I stammered.

  “Madeline and Devin did most of the organizing, but they enlisted Hunter and the Beer Brothers so they could really pull one on you,” Esmeralda said, gesturing at the crowd with her soda can.

  “I brought you a gift,” Devin said, turning me so I faced a different wall.

  “Happy Birthday, Morgan,” Fran, my human BFF, said, her smile as bright as the sun as she stood with her dark elf boyfriend, Ethan.

  “Fran!” I yelped, abandoning my boyfriend for my best friend. “Oh, my gosh, you’re here!”

  “Yep! For the weekend—and I’m taking off school on Monday, too! You, Madeline, and me are gonna go shopping! Your lovely boyfriend is paying, of course,” Fran said, her smile turning mischievous.

  “You have no idea how much legwork I had to perform to get her legally invited to an MBRC-sponsored party,” Devin said dryly as Fran and I squealed and embraced again.

  “Thank you, Devin,” I said, stepping away from Fran long enough to grab Devin by the front of his dress shirt and drag him down an inch or two so I could kiss him.

  Devin smiled down at me after I pulled away. “It was well worth it, if it makes you this happy.”

  “Awesome party, bra!” Kerrick said, giving me a thumbs up.

  “Madeline, Frank, Frey, Hunter, Harrison, Kerrick, Shale, and Boxy—thank you,” I said, tears of joy stinging my eyes. “Thank you for hauling me out of my room and bringing me here.”

  “Is it a night you’ll remember?” Madeline asked, eagerly wriggling like a puppy.

  I laughed. “Absolutely. This is the best birthday, ever!”

  The End

  2

  Swindlers

  (Age 25 & Age 23)

  “Morgan! You look fantastic, chicka! Married life certainly suits you.”

  I choked when Esmeralda squeezed me in a hug so tight my breathing was restricted. “Good to see you, too, Esmeralda,” I said, patting her on the back. Although I hadn’t seen her since my wedding—and only briefly then—she hadn’t aged a day. It was a “perk” of being a vampire.

  “Do you have your bags?” I asked.

  “Yep, I only brought this,” Esmeralda said, kicking a black, rolling suitcase.

  “Awesome. Let’s go. I parked in the hourly parking garage across the street, and they really take you to town with parking fees,” I said, leading the way out of the airport.

  “Thanks for coming to pick me up,” Esmeralda grunted as she dragged her suitcase behind her. “With the vampire conference starting today, just about all safe transportation services are booked up.”

  “It’s my pleasure.”

  “No, seriously. I feel kinda bad, asking an MBRC Department Head to pick me up.”

  “We’re friends, Esmeralda. I don’t mind. Besides, it’s in my best interest that the conference runs smoothly, and I want you there to keep Madeline on a tight leash,” I confided.

  “Gotcha,” Esmeralda laughed. “Congrats, by the way. The Public Relations department is way lucky to have you. Didn’t Aysel get promoted at the same time, too? What’s his title now?”

  “He’s working his way up the Administration Department.”

  “I bet he’s aiming for Administrator. Everyone knows Administrator Moonspell is totally trying to bag a seat with the Fairy Council,” Esmeralda said.

  “Yeah,” I acknowledged as we entered the parking garage, the click of my high heels echoing loudly in the barren structure. “But Administrator Moonspell won’t snag a seat for at least another year or two, thankfully,” I said, leading the way to my car.

  “Nice ride,” Esmeralda whistled as I popped the trunk and helped her heave her suitcase inside.

  “Thanks,” I grunted.

  On an extreme whim, I had bought a Lexus sedan—which the MBRC had considerably subsidized for me as I was one of a few department heads/persons of influence who could drive. This meant I frequently had to chauffeur high-profile guests around.

  “Okay, we haven’t had time for girl talk in ages, so you have to spill,” Esmeralda said as we climbed into my car.

  I paused to wave at Harrison as he glided out of our shadow and slipped into his car. The stone-faced goblin was parked directly behind me, probably pouting because I wouldn’t let him drive Esmeralda and me.

  “Spill about what?” I asked, twisting in my seat and looking suspiciously around the parking garage for crazies who might hit my precious car as I backed up.

  “How Devin got you to marry him,” Esmeralda said. “I mean, Madeline totally called that you two were going to get married when you were still in high school, but neither of us thought he would actually wear you down until you were like…thirty. I thought you wouldn’t be engaged at least until after you were out of college.”

  “Oh. Yeah. That’s what I was planning,” I acknowledged as I backed up. “But Devin swindled me into it.”

  “He what?”

  “It’s a long story.”

  “I’ve got the rest of the drive.”

  I was in my first semester of my senior year at college when Devin made his move. I was already twenty-three—I took a year off to work with the MBRC and the Fairy Council before entering college. I was eager to snap through the university system, so I had stupidly filled my schedule, cramming the usual four-year program into three. (It helped that the summer I spent with the Fairy Council counted as an internship and gained me a hefty number of college credits.)

  As a result of this ambition, my semesters were quite full, and finals were always an…interesting experience.

  “Morgan, are you really certain you need all these books?” Devin asked, swiveling a stack of textbooks so he could study the titles.

  “Yes. Thanks, Krusher,” I said, taking an armload of books from Harrison and dropping them on my desk. We were in my office at the MBRC—with the door locked to avoid any interruptions during my study session. “Is this everything? I think this is everything. No, I forgot my drinks!”

  “The cases of Red Bull in your trunk, right?” Devin asked, slipping his hand into my jean pocket to snag my keys. “I’ll bring them here.”

  “Could you bring my coffee thermos, too?” I asked.

  “Red Bull doesn’t contain enough caffeine for you?”

  “Never!” I said.

  “Even though it’s probably the cause of your eyebrow twitch?” Devin asked.

  I self-consciously slapped a hand over my left eyebrow—which had started jumping up and down the week before when I began gearing up for finals.

  Devin chuckled. “You don’t have to hide it. I think it’s adorable,” he said. He tried kissing me on the lips, but I moved at the last moment, so he got my cheek.

  “One day, Morgan, I will get you,” Devin promised.

  “Mmm, I need my Red Bull.”

  Devin rolled his eyes as he slipped on a black coat. “Sometimes I think you confuse the title of boyfriend with butler.”

  “Thanks, Devin,” I said as the Pooka walked to the door.

  Devin winked. “I will miss you as I miss air when I hold my breath,” he said before ducking out of the room to avoid the pencil bag I chucked at his head.

  “Krusher, I think I have questionable taste in boyfriends,” I said.

  “Yes, Miss Fae,” Harrison said, drawing a grin from me.

  Devin and I had what could very loosely be considered a relationship. Between my crazy school schedule and his position as a Councilmember with the Fairy Council, both of us were incredibly busy and saw each other infrequently.

  I trusted Devin not to wander—since we started “dating” when I was still a senior in high school, he had cut off all dalliances and appeared to be fine—if not thriving—in his new monogamous status. However, I never considered the two of us “serious,” as we hardly saw each other.

  My finals were the first time I was seeing Devin since the semester started—although we conversed through Magic Mirrors once or twice a week. We were just…low-key. I didn’t mind the lack of pressure; I enjoyed it, even.

  That was how Devin was so easily able to swindle me.